‘Venom’, ESPN Join Forces to Set CGI Back 15 Years

If you have watched ESPN for any amount of time, you know the worldwide leader in sports is bad at many, many things but the one they can rock are commercials. Namely, their SportsCenter advertising to give fans these fictitious peeks behind the curtain.

They are lighthearted. They are full of athletes. They feature mascots. Because ESPN involves it all.

Yet, from time to advantageous time, movie houses and brand juggernauts can’t help themselves from exploiting wide-reaching venues to feature their selfish desires.

Enter Sony Pictures into the fray. Apparently, someone there still watches the floundering network and believes it would strike a chord with non-nerds to watch Venom. Only, they forgot to ask the CGI experts to help with the ad.

In a random conference room, we find former athletes gone broadcasters Randy Moss and Charles Woodson looking for a potential mascot for the fledgling Oakland Raiders. In walks, Eddie Brock (a la green-screened Tom Hardy in so not his finest hour).

And before the transformative magic happens, it’s clear these two dudes had no clue what a symbiote would do when given the time to shine. Call it “special effects.”

Here, just see for yourself:

I smell an Emmy! (Among a truckload of other things that may or may not attract flies.)

It’s the 90s all over again! The hell?! Maybe ESPN had to pay their new broadcasters to not go to broadcast 101 school? Possibly they had another novelty show to produce that no one would watch. Whatever the reason, this thing sucks so much, it could be used for liposuction for, hell… the entirety of Hollywood. 

And for esses and giggles, just so you know, ESPN used to be good at this commercial thing. Here, enjoy this reel to cleanse your palette. That throw-up in your mouth lingers a while.

 

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