Okay, we get it. Easily, the most anticipated CBM in the history of nerd is hitting us all where it hurts the most at the end of the month.
No, not the wallet — the bladder.
Sure, jokes have been made about the three hours (and two minute) runtime. I’ve done it too (shout out to all my small-bladder homies), but now the conversation is taking on a more serious tone and is getting to be a little much.
Variety offered an editorial that I’ll just put here: “Could ‘Avengers: Endgame’ Three-Hour Runtime Prevent an Opening Weekend Record?”
Rebecca Rubin, author of the article and news editor for Variety, is no slouch. As a matter of fact, her social following doesn’t even reflect her skill. That said, I get it. Three hours. Larger concession items. No intermission (which would be an awful idea). No designated pee breaks. But, it’s Avengers: Endgame — the literal end to this phase in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
If every mother in every city of every nation grounded every nerd to their room for opening weekend, this movie will still shatter opening weekend box office records. Why? Because those same nerds, knowing they are in trouble, will stay out for the weekend and see the movie two or three times, all the while with gritted teeth, swollen bladders, and crossed eyes.
(And I don’t care how old the nerd is. I’m [COUGH] years old and that’s what I am doing.)
Here’s a solid point from Rubin, however:
“Avengers: Endgame is the longest Marvel tentpole to date, and its runtime means there will fewer showings per venue each day. For the average movie, theater owners generally factor in three hours for each screening. That leaves enough time to run pre-show trailers before the film, as well as a chance for janitors to clean up after end credits roll. But given the duration of “Endgame,” exhibitors are budgeting an additional hour for each screening, which cuts at least one showtime daily.”
She’s not wrong. Less movie showings does create the math for less movies each day. Never underestimate the zeal of the geek. That just means those fewer movies will be more packed than usual. Even that random 10:15 a.m. showing. Packed. Solid.
This three-hour movie sold more presale tickets than Aquaman, The Last Jedi, and Captain Marvel. Combined. You know, there’s an aphorism in Hollywood, “No bad movie is too short. No good movie is too long.”
As I shared previously…
Three-hour movies are nothing new in Hollywood. In the early days, bladder busters were Lawrence of Arabia, The Deer Hunter and Ben Hur. Later on, pee breaks were needed for Titanic, Braveheart, and Schindler’s List.
What do all of these movies have in common other than the need to tie your bladder into a sailor’s knot? Oscars.
If the film is a masterpiece, people will go time-and-time again and drink less and less to enjoy it. Don’t worry, movie people. This movie will break $2 billion in record time. And that is just the amount of money it will cost to replace everyone’s shorts with stains.
No one is getting out of their seats for this. Endgame is here on April 26.