Warning: ‘Harry Potter’ Spells Actually Work (So Says Tennessee Catholic School)

Harry Potter fans: Remember all that mess about not saying Dumbledore’s name? Turns out the movie may have been helping you not see the Boogieman in your closet or creature crawling from under your bed.

Why? Meet Rev. Dan Reehil, a priest at St. Edward Catholic School in Nashville.

Although the entire book series has been finished printing decades ago, and the movies have finished its theatrical run years ago, Reehil just now became concerned over the spells that are conjured throughout the series. His idea is they were heretical lessons his students would actually learn, recite, and leverage.

Maybe to get better grades? Maybe for a Demetor or an Acromantula to find the teacher giving a hard test and make him or her vanish before the bell rings? Whatever the reason, the Rev here is getting nervous, according to The Washington Post.

He actually consulted exorcists within the higher echelon of the Catholic Church. Like dude called up Rome and said, “I need a pro to analyze these spells. I think our students may get some ideas.” (Again, a few years too late on that, Rev.)

So, he pens this Wednesday email to faculty members… and then he purged the series from the school’s library.

“These books present magic as both good and evil, which is not true, but in fact a clever deception,” he explained. “The curses and spells used in the books are actual curses and spells; which when read by a human being risk conjuring evil spirits into the presence of the person reading the text.”

locked harry potter

Did you know you could do that from Harry Potter? That maniacal four-eyed brat could have killed someone! Thank God our kids are safe from this mischievous, pre-pubescent wizard. Of course, the school got a few phone calls so the school had a (canned) response:

In an emailed response to parents obtained by the station, Rebecca Hammel, the superintendent of schools for the Catholic Diocese of Nashville, explained that the school’s library had moved over the summer, and books that weren’t checked out often or weren’t deemed age-appropriate for students at the prekindergarten-through-eighth-grade school were purged.

The school’s pastor, “out of an abundance of caution,” decided that the Harry Potter series, which “has received attention over its presentation of magic and witchcraft,” should also be removed, she wrote.

Full Disclosure: I’m a proud nerd. I own every superhero movie, including the bad ones (and there are plenty). That said, I have never seen one second or read one word of Harry Potter. I know, right? Sacrilege. I should excuse my self from this blog.

Anywho, I have read many books that would put this elementary spellbound novel from J.K. Rowling to shame. Real warlock crap. These books, which I’ll not name for sake or sending someone in that direction, are penned by people with iniquitous intentions and sardonic thoughts. Those are spells you can trust are up to no good.

But, J.K. Rowling? Please. The woman did a little research from those aforementioned books and created a pantheon of whimsy. Her books are historic. The movies, too. And none of them were created for the benefit of ne’er-do-wells. Even I know that one.

Rev. Reehill? He doesn’t:

“The books use nefarious means to attain the goals of the characters, including the ‘good’ characters,” he wrote, arguing that an act cannot be considered morally good under Catholic theology if it is accomplished through questionable methods. The Harry Potter books, he claimed, “promote a Machiavellian approach to achieving the ends they desire with whatever means are necessary.”

Evil stuff, regardless whichever house you claim or have tramp stamped to your caboose, so says Rev. Reehill. Have you tried any of those spells? Anything happen? No?

Perhaps the Rev read a book when no one was looking and came across a quote (and you may know the one):

“I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”

Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban

My guess: That made his butt pucker a few years (way) too late and he decided to be the hero. Nice try, Rev. We’ll take your wand and stick it…well, never mind. This is a children’s show.

Well, it was until Reehill made them all evil minions.


Featured Images Source: Newsweek

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