The MatrixMeter

Wait, what?!

You have seen the entire trilogy, and even that inept, anime porn potpourri ‘The Animatrix‘ and don’t recall a meter. No worries. We made it up for a good reason.

Tomatoes have their splats. Eberts have their thumbs. IMDB has its stars. And we have a fancy, shmancy meter. That glows! (But don’t use the black light…that’s ish is gross.)

How the MatrixMeter Works

Not all CBMs are equal. Neither are the random sci-fi cinematic offerings, post-apocalyptic screenplays, fantasy flicks, or even the fiendish horror movie.

Some are great to watch but the story sucks out loud. Others have really good writing and a decent plot but didn’t come together too well. Kinda like Green Lantern and Ryan Reynolds, you know?

Therefore, our sagacious movie critics keep it real and provide a color that fits the movie, TV, limited series, or comic. Hell, we’ll even rate cosplay at local events because, well, we need the attention.

Does this help?

movie rank

Color Us Impressed

Now that you see what we’re playing with (again, get your head out of the gutter), let’s explain the meter. We have plenty of great minds and loud voices in here — many of them create their own individual reviews of tirade, wit, and tomfoolery.

However, when there is a MatrixMeter post, this is a collection of all our voices. Tomatoes are hurled by one person. And only one person can hold two thumbs. We are a nerd conscience so when you read a score, it’s from all of us to you to capture a real vista of what the film captures … and if it captures you at all.

Now that we know that, on to the spectrum.

PURPLE When you think about Grimace, Barney, or that creepy purple Teletubby that provides more cringes than smiles, what do you envision? No, not Thanos. More like something that pretty much was good for a moment then blows into perpetuity. That’s Purple on the meter. Usually 0-20% approval. In other words, save the money and time here. And if you disagree with us on anything in this particular hue, come at us, Internet.

BLUE While the sky is usually the limit, anything getting this color has a skosh more to go for public approval. Sure, it’s entertaining, but then again, so is a good, warm bath. (Oh please. Like you have never.) About 21-40% approval. Maybe straight-to-DVD. Maybe straight to bed and forget it. And catch a spoiler on the way out.

GREEN The color of money, right? Cash is always good, namely when it comes to a nerd blowing the whole wad on a PS4 or flight to San Diego for Comic-Con. Here, the color is a little more akin to puke than anything. Good time but you may get a little sick spending more than $30 on a night out for this. Near 41-60% approval. Catch it on Hulu, Netflix, Prime, or whatever you are currently hacking… Sorry, buying.

YELLOW Now we are getting somewhere. There’s a light shining bright on these babies. These certain dyes on the spectrum here in the Matrix get us talking about character development, plot-lines, directors, and sequels. And, let’s not forgetting the consideration of adding these to the home collection. When you find a flick at 61-80% approval, future investment is a big player.

ORANGE — You have those trilogies that you need to own every one of them? What about a TV series that you have binged more than once? That’s an orange on the meter — not quite hot, but warm enough to keep your tuchas on the couch for an extended period of time that almost certainly has the boss wondering where in the hell you are. At 81-90% approval, it’s worth the risk.

RED — Smokin’! This dazzling polychromasia is only befitting for the best. And not just the most profitable (though, if you think ‘Infinity War’ here, you’d be right). Hovering at 91-100% approval must be for a classic, a must-own, a benchmark for all geek cinematic brilliance. These selection will be uncommon, but when they come, the opinions will flow like the lava the color represents. You’ll see.

Interested? On with the show…

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